david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
