I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
