singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
