Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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