I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
