The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
