I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
