There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
