Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
