Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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