I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
