I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
