Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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