Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
