I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
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boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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