I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
