I cannot find my penis.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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