Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
