She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
