i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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