I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
