Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
