Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
