My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
