I'm lost and stupid without you.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
After tacos, we're chasing women.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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