He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So many bounce houses so little time
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
