he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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