He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
