i jhust puked up my retainher.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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