I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
