the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It's blow job season.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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