if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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