It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
