I think I died a long time ago.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
