Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
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At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
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I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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