Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
