i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
