I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
