I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
