Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
