She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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