It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
