accomplished twins. life is a go
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
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My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
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Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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