Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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