I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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