he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
