I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
