I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
