Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
