You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
