Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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