possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm like, not good at living.
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