i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
do nipples grow back?
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