I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
