If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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