Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
