chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
