Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
