I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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