she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
