What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
