I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize