saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
