I'm lost and stupid without you.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
