Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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