theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize