I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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