naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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