i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
