I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
So vagazzling was a success
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
