big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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