is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
