Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
